One of the main things I do on the show is call out douchebags, and there are plenty in Calgary. We’re trying slowly to drive the douche out of Calgary. There are definitely some misconceptions about what constitutes douche. One of the big traits is dropping the devil hand gesture in pics. Dead giveaway of douchiness. But there are plenty more, and tomorrow (Tuesday) just after 5PM, we’ll have the creator of the website Hot Chicks With Douchebags, and soon to be author of a book by the same title. We’ve talked about his site often in the last few months, and tomorrow we’ll have him on. If you have any questions about Douchebaggery - e-mail me. josh@x929.ca

some more words for your vocab:

• Chickchismo: A strong sense of womanly pride: an exaggerated femininity; 2) exaggerated or exhilarating sense of female cunning and womanly wiles.
• Connectile dysfunction: The inability to gain or maintain an Internet connection.
• Hasbian: A former lesbian who is now in a heterosexual relationship.
• Hatriotism: Proving your patriotism by hating the people the government tells you to hate.
• Kodak courage: An extra dose of courage and the tendency to go beyond one’s usual physical limits when being filmed or photographed.
• Nicotini: An alcoholic drink that includes nicotine as an ingredient. Usually made with vodka in which tobacco has been soaked.
• Scratcher: An untalented tattoo artist.

I went to see Hot Fuzz over the weekend at the Eau Claire theatre. During the movie, some choad down the row decided he needed to read and reply to a text message or two on his palmpilot/blackberry thing. Highly Douchey! If you can’t go two hours without checking your text messages, or seeing who called you, or worst of all, answering your phone - watching movies in the theatre just isn’t for you. Don’t go. I think theatres should be allowed to use cell-blocking technology to discourage the douche.

HOW NOT TO BE A DOUCHEBAG AT THE MOVIES: 

• No Cell Phones:  Turn the ringer off. Not vibrate. Off. If it’s on vibrate it’ll only tempt you to check it if there’s a call or message. Do not answer incoming calls, or (I feel like I’m stating the obvious here) make outgoing calls. Do not open your phone to see if anyone called or to read and write text messages. This is a big one, as people seem to assume it’s just the actual talking and ringing that’s distracting. That giant glowing LCD screen in the midst of the darkened theatre takes my attention from the movie screen. Again…if you can’t go two hours without touching your cell phone, you shouldn’t go to movies. And you should seek professional help.
• No Talking: Talk all you want before the movie and during the inevitable ads that precede the it. During the trailers, it’s polite to leave the talk for between the trailers, where it’s acceptable to say stuff like “that looks awesome” or “that looks suck-tastic.” Once the lights go down and the “feature presentation” bumper ends, it’s time to shut it! Don’t be tempted to talk with your companion about what’s on screen. If you’re on a first date and trying to impress her with your witty comments, trust me, you’re not funnier than the movie. Don’t state the obvious: “oh crap, she’s dead.” Don’t make out-loud predictions: “He’s gonna get caught!” Just save the talk ’til the movie is over and the credits are rolling.
• Remain Seated: You know the movie is gonna be 2 hours. Plan ahead. Take a whiz before it starts. You getting up and walking in front of people during the movie is annoying and distracting. It also means that when you return to your seat, the same thing happens again, plus you might be tempted to have a conversation about what you missed…which makes it double-douchey.

What as a regular non-douchey moviegoer can you do to keep the douche at bay? If your friend breaks one of the rules, you must be quick to remind them about the rules. If a stranger is chatting, a shush is a good start, an evil stare is the next step, and a “will you shut the f*ck up!?!” is a fine last resort. As for cellphone users the same tactic can be effective. As for texting and the glowing screens, I’ve found throwing pennies at the hands and /or device of the user can be effective. Some brands of candy will work too. For now the balcony is closed.   

I’ve been a fan of writer (now director and producer) Judd Apatow since his work on the critically acclaimed but poorly watched Ben Stiller Show. He has a comedy midas touch. Some of the TV he’s done: Larry Sanders Show, Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared. Film: Cable Guy, Anchorman and 40 Year Old Virgin. He’s involved with two more movies coming out this summer. Knocked Up opens this week, and Superbad opens in August. Some samples below, but keep in kind THE CONTENT AND LANGUAGE ARE VERY GRAPHIC. MATURE VIEWERS ONLY. 

Deleted Scene From Knocked Up:

Trailer for Superbad:

I’ve had an ongoing debate with a girl I dated a few times. Recently I said we should hang out, and she countered with “only if it’s as just friends” as she’s seeing someone. Her Facebook says “single” so I enquire about it. It goes back and forth until she admits that she is dating around, but only sleeping with one guy. I maintain that, if you’re exclusive intimately with one guy only, then you are in fact not single as you’re limiting yourself with anyone else. She maintains she’s single. I’m guessing she’s one of a few girls on this guys roster since he’s likely “single” too. Is it low self esteem? I dunno. I say sh*t or get off the pot.    

It’s May 23rd, and Calgary’s forecast calls for snow. Snow! The first day of Spring is officially around March 20th - over 2 months ago. Thought I’d play a Spring/Summer classic that might make you feel a bit warmer. The Gandharvas hail from London, Ontario, and was around from 1989-2000, before the members went on to other musical projects. Their biggest hit by far was the 1993 song The First Day of Spring.

Today on Josh’s Big Box of CDs it’s music from British group Suede, or as they had to be called in North America for legal reasons: The London Suede. In 1993 the band won England’s Mercury Prize for Best Band of the Year. We played Metal Mickey.

In case you were reading the terms below and needed to see a visual of Hasselhoffed:

some new words and phrases for ya:

• Accountabilabuddy: A friend, maybe a best friend, who you get into trouble with and who is somewhat responsible for your actions.
• Bromantic comedy: A movie that is part guy-movie, part romantic comedy. i.e.: The Break Up
• Hasselhoffed: To be nearly incompetent due to the effects of alcohol.
• Man-warmth: The residual thermal glow (usually in a vinyl-covered seat) felt by a man who sits in a seat recently occupied by another man.
• Powdered cow: Powdered coffee whitener.
• Testosterphone: To make a quick and to-the-point phone call that lasts under 30 seconds.

Obviously I haven’t been watching enough TV of late. I did a commercial for Best Buy in late August, and it’s run a few periods since. In the commercial, two guys pull into opposite parking spots and have a quick staredown. Then, it’s on! A race for the front doors with all sorts of obstacles. I’m sort of the yuppie guy with glasses and hot wife, racing a red-headed slacker guy. They actually had stunt doubles for both of us (see pic. I’m on the right.)

I usually find out it’s back on again by e-mails and calls with stuff like “are you in a Best Buy commercial?” or the people who are sick of it already, “your commercial’s on again.”