I like to talk about sex and/or love on my radio show. This time around, a teenage reading habit came to light. Listen:

Penthouse Letters

Well, after last week’s “biggest fan” call I was kind of worried. She seemed to be in a dark place and was pretty salty with the language. This week everything seems back to, ummm…normal? Listen:

 Stalker June 2

Greg Beharrell (X92.9 Evening/weekend guy) is a weird dude. He eats a diet consisting mainly of Diet Cola (4 litres daily minimum), dry cereal (no milk!) and chicken breasts. He doesn’t do any muscular or cardiovascular excercise. BUT….he thinks he’s in great shape. Not good shape, GREAT shape. Here’s the conversation:

Greg thinks he’s healthy audio

ATTENTION INSOMNIACS: HOW TO FALL ASLEEP (Cosmopolitan)

• Make a Plan of Action: When you’re stressed out about the gazillion things you need to accomplish the next day, jot your thoughts down. Seeing the list in writing will help you feel more in control, and knowing you can review it in the morning will help you push it out of your brain for the night.
• Create a Bedtime Story: If you can’t stop analyzing something that happened earlier in the day, distract yourself with some creative visualization. Picture yourself in a place that’s unrelated to whatever’s dominating your thoughts, and focus on the specifics of the scenario. This distracts you from your stimulating thoughts.
• Hide the Clock: When you’re wired, any sensory stimulation in the room can make it worse. The biggest culprit: the digital clock. One thing that contributes to sleeplessness is the stress of lying there at 3 a.m. and watching the time go by on the clock.
• Try the Comb Trick: While lying on your back with your eyes closed, take a comb and make short upward strokes on your right hand. Start at your fingertips, then gradually move to your palm, then to your wrist, then up your arm, all the way to your shoulder. Repeat on the other side.
• Soak in a Warm Bath: Once you leave the warm water, your core body temperature drops, which can signal the body that it’s time to sleep, according to the National Sleep Foundation. So if you suspect you’re going to have trouble nodding off, or if you’re in bed but doing more worrying than dreaming, hit the tub for about 15 minutes.
• Get Busy: The hormones produced at orgasm cause relaxation that often leads to sleep. You figure it out.
• Melt Into the Bed: Experts say this exercise is the gold standard in go-to-sleep techniques. When your sympathetic nervous system is activated, your muscles tense up, and that keeps you alert. Tame that tension with this exercise: Focus on your feet and try to make them feel very heavy, as if they’re sinking into the bed. Next, focus on relaxing your ankles. Repeat on one small area at a time as you very slowly work your way up your body, until you reach your head.

HOW TO GO GREEN IN BED (Redbook)

• The Right Rubs: Opt for all-natural, paraben-free lubricants (parabens, used as preservatives, may disrupt hormone activity). And use organic massage oils, such as Earth Botanicals (northernnaturals.com, $11 for 8 oz), which is made of sunflower, apricot, and jojoba oils and contains no artificial fragrances or additives.
• Toss Toxic Toys: Many soft plastic sex toys are made from PVC (polyvinyl chloride) and softened with chemicals called phthalates. The problem: PVC’s manufacture is toxic to the environment, and there’s some evidence that exposure to phthalates can increase the risks of birth defects and cancer. Play it safe with toys made of silicone, glass, or metal instead.
• Bright Idea: Keep the lights off while you make love and focus fully on the sexy sensations of touch and sound. If you still want to see your sweetie, switch out your lightbulb for an Energy Star-qualified one (you’ll save cash, too!).
• Condom Sense: Roll out the lambskin condoms — the only kind proven to be biodegradable. (But stick with latex if you’re concerned about STD prevention, as lambskin condoms are only effective for birth control.)
• Mattress Matters: Get busy on sheets made from organic cotton (grown without pesticides or synthetic fertilizers), or pick bedding made from bamboo fiber, a rapidly renewable resource.
• Carbon Dating: Searching for Mr. Right? Check out greensingles.com to meet fellow tree huggers and help the planet while you look for love: Part of the site’s profits go to nonprofit environmental organizations.
• Good Vibrations: Using something that requires batteries? Replace it with something rechargable that doesnt use batteries at all.
• Human Friction: What’s hotter than body heat? Lower your home thermostat this winter and warm things up between the sheets instead.
• Green Under There: Get greener undies and still stay sexy. Slip into Lenpur lingerie — its surprisingly soft fabric is made from pine clippings.

I’ve always been a reader, since I was two my parents tell me. Recently I suggested a book to Greg - X92.9 evening/weekend guy - and he said he doesn’t read. This baffled me, because he seems like a pretty bright guy. Lynch will tell you proudly that he’s only read two books in his lifetime, but it doesn’t seem hugely surprising. Whitebread’s (Whitebread=Greg) revelation was surprising. I asked him why, and here’s the audio:

Greg doesn’t like books

It’s been awhile since I talked about the phenomenon of Hot Chicks With Douchebags, and the site chronicling this atrocity. The warm weather is here, and the douche and the chicks that are hypnotized by their douchiness. If you see any Calgary examples of HCWDB send ‘em to josh@x929.ca or send them to the official website Hot Chicks With Douchebags. Last year we did an interview with the creator of the website, and you can find that here.

Got a call from a telemarketer. This time I thought it would be fun to be a lonely German man. Yes my accent is pretty bad, but I still think it’s a fun call. Here it is:

Telemarketing and a Lonley German Man Audio

I think the romantic comedy catchphrase from Jerry Maguire has it all wrong. If you’re looking for someone to complete you you’ll never be happy. You’re better off trying to make yourself a complete person, then looking for someone who compliments you. I don’t mean vocally, but as a compliment to your life and lifestyle. Greg is weird, which we know. He’s also after someone who completes him. Bzzzt. Bad.  What do you think?

I’ve put a poll at the right —>

Cheryl from The Calgary Humane Society came by with a really cool looking snake. He’s surprisingly friendly and pretty easily handled. He’s an Albino Honduran Milksnake, about 9 months old. He is a constrictor by nature. His diet at this point is tiny little mice called “pinkies.”