Not in the shirtless leather-vest wearin’ Harley ridin’ way. I bought myself a bicycle. Not some fancy 55-speed touring bike. Not a light-framed, knobby-tired, shock-absorbered mountain bike. I got a three-speed, pearl blue, stylin’ get-around-town bike. And I love it. Seriously, if I could figure out how, I’d make love to it. I rode it home from the bike store - about 40 minutes - and then rode it around my neighbourhood for about an hour after. I haven’t had a bike in a few years. When I was in Toronto I walked everywhere. Plus bicycle theft is a big industry there, and it just didn’t seem worth the effort. Wanna go for a ride? (click the pic to see it in all it’s full-size glory!)

I went to see Hot Fuzz over the weekend at the Eau Claire theatre. During the movie, some choad down the row decided he needed to read and reply to a text message or two on his palmpilot/blackberry thing. Highly Douchey! If you can’t go two hours without checking your text messages, or seeing who called you, or worst of all, answering your phone - watching movies in the theatre just isn’t for you. Don’t go. I think theatres should be allowed to use cell-blocking technology to discourage the douche.

HOW NOT TO BE A DOUCHEBAG AT THE MOVIES: 

• No Cell Phones:  Turn the ringer off. Not vibrate. Off. If it’s on vibrate it’ll only tempt you to check it if there’s a call or message. Do not answer incoming calls, or (I feel like I’m stating the obvious here) make outgoing calls. Do not open your phone to see if anyone called or to read and write text messages. This is a big one, as people seem to assume it’s just the actual talking and ringing that’s distracting. That giant glowing LCD screen in the midst of the darkened theatre takes my attention from the movie screen. Again…if you can’t go two hours without touching your cell phone, you shouldn’t go to movies. And you should seek professional help.
• No Talking: Talk all you want before the movie and during the inevitable ads that precede the it. During the trailers, it’s polite to leave the talk for between the trailers, where it’s acceptable to say stuff like “that looks awesome” or “that looks suck-tastic.” Once the lights go down and the “feature presentation” bumper ends, it’s time to shut it! Don’t be tempted to talk with your companion about what’s on screen. If you’re on a first date and trying to impress her with your witty comments, trust me, you’re not funnier than the movie. Don’t state the obvious: “oh crap, she’s dead.” Don’t make out-loud predictions: “He’s gonna get caught!” Just save the talk ’til the movie is over and the credits are rolling.
• Remain Seated: You know the movie is gonna be 2 hours. Plan ahead. Take a whiz before it starts. You getting up and walking in front of people during the movie is annoying and distracting. It also means that when you return to your seat, the same thing happens again, plus you might be tempted to have a conversation about what you missed…which makes it double-douchey.

What as a regular non-douchey moviegoer can you do to keep the douche at bay? If your friend breaks one of the rules, you must be quick to remind them about the rules. If a stranger is chatting, a shush is a good start, an evil stare is the next step, and a “will you shut the f*ck up!?!” is a fine last resort. As for cellphone users the same tactic can be effective. As for texting and the glowing screens, I’ve found throwing pennies at the hands and /or device of the user can be effective. Some brands of candy will work too. For now the balcony is closed.   

Obviously I haven’t been watching enough TV of late. I did a commercial for Best Buy in late August, and it’s run a few periods since. In the commercial, two guys pull into opposite parking spots and have a quick staredown. Then, it’s on! A race for the front doors with all sorts of obstacles. I’m sort of the yuppie guy with glasses and hot wife, racing a red-headed slacker guy. They actually had stunt doubles for both of us (see pic. I’m on the right.)

I usually find out it’s back on again by e-mails and calls with stuff like “are you in a Best Buy commercial?” or the people who are sick of it already, “your commercial’s on again.”

I’m pretty excited to be getting in shape. Before I moved to Calgary at the beginning of the year, my main exercise was hockey twice a week, lots of walking, and occasionally using the gym in my building. Since arriving in Calgary, I’ve been pretty inactive. Just started playing hockey again, and am starting a new program.

I’ve hooked up with True Fitness Wellness and Spa, where I have a plan tailored to me. I’ll be meeting with an in-house nutritionist to help get my bad eating habits on track. Physically I’ve started a personal training regime with Ken Andrukow. Ken was an exec in the corporate world, but decided to pursue his passion for fitness. He’s created a pretty amazing facility. One side is dedicated to training with all the latest equipment, and rooms for yoga and pilates classes. The other side features a beautiful spa with pedicure/manicure area, a couple of rooms for skin care, and my favourite - massage rooms. My muscles will definitely need some work by weeks’ end.

One of the things I like about True, is that you can’t just walk in any old time and randomly move from machine to machine. If you’re in there, you’re with your personal trainer. This is good because it forces you to get the most out of your time cause there’s someone giving you a little push, but I think it makes it a more professional environment to work out in. Ken isn’t like a drill sargeant, which is nice…he works you hard, but in a calm way. You can’t beat the sore muscles you have after a good workout, cause you know your body is changing for the better.   

A couple of months before I arrived in Calgary, I was doing a college radio stint in Toronto on CIUT, with an almost completely open format. While there, I did an interview with Soundproof Magazine. I’m really pleasantly surprised with the music on X92.9, and I can honestly say that it’s the most musically progressive commercial radio station in Canada. Of course, like the listener, Idon’t love every song. The fact there’s no Nickleback (or Default, or Simple Plan, or Good Charlotte, or Theory of a Badband, etc.) makes things a whole lot better. I also get to play something from my personal collection in the Big Box O CDs.

OK, I’ve been a little annoyed and haven’t posted because when the station recently switched servers, I lost about a half-dozen posts. Well, I’m over it, and we’re back to business. I’ll start with contact info again. When I’m on-air and you want to rant or rave about anything, the number is 238-X929. If you want to fire off an e-mail it’s josh@x929.ca. If you’re into the social networking sites you can get show pages here:

Facebook

MySpace

Stay in touch.

If using the stall for a sit down, don’t use a stall right next to someone, and for the urinals this game is a helpful primer:

The Urinal Game

I’m always amazed at people who take the time to send random hate mail. There’s nothing constructive here, and it accomplishes nothing. Except maybe to help the writer feel better about themselves. Witness Frank. He recently e-mailed me out of the blue on Facebook. Here’s the conversation:

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 12:03am

YOU SUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOKIE WANNA BE !!!!!!!!! AND BURN THAT BOX OF CD”S CAUSE IT SUCKS TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 2:30am

Ummm…thanks for the kind words. Remember, you can change the station anytime you want douchey.

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 5:51pm

whatever fag nuts, didn’t you get chased out of toronto for the same sh!t?????? like i don’t know if you don’t get that you suck or if everyone here has fallen for the promise that you can be a good dj?

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 5:52pm

and believe me the channel changes every time your on!!

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 5:56pm

Oh Frank.

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 6:00pm

i know flatery will get me no where!

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 6:00pm

Exactly! Have a good weekend.

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 6:16pm

well i would say the same but i really hope you dont ….. because then you will blaber on as always and just destroy what a good thing this radio station is for calgary, and by the way when someone comes tothe r.v and says hey whats up a response would be in orderand not just “the stickers are on the counter” ….. retard

Josh Holliday Show

Today at 7:46pm

Did you come by? Sorry if I wasn’t as responsive as I could’ve been. There’s a lot of stuff going on in there, from taking phone calls to running the board, and unlike the edge, we’re there all alone with nobody to help out. Your anger is generally pretty amusing, as was your comment about Bookie. I worked with Bookie for over 10 years, and always liked him and his energy, though he’s totally unique and I have no desire to be him, or do his style of radio. You also complained about the Big Box. In the interest of constructive criticism, what would you rather hear in there?

Frank Gimpelj

Today at 11:09pm

you just dont get it, i would rather listen to RAFFI do your show then you. i just need to get rid of you period… i think they should just let lynch stay on the air as long as he thinks he can and if there is some time left you can say hi or do some annoucments or something just so that you can say you came here and accomplished something, and call your friends in toronto and tell them yoou are on the radio in calgary!!!

I’ve decided not to respond anymore. Frank has obvious anger (and grammar while we’re at it)?issues, and better not to anger him. Frank Angry, Frank Hit!!! Grrrr. And Frank, I’m sorry my show isn’t up to the high standards of a hit TV show like Married With Children.

I thought I’d give you some ways to get in touch. When I’m on-air the studio number is 403-238-X929. You can e-mail me any old time you like - weekends and the middle of the night even. I try to answer it all, even though it’s sometimes a little tardy. It’s josh@x929.ca

If you’re using social networking to while away your day, well, me too:

MySpace

Facebook

I spent Easter Sunday afternoon with a gathering of relatives - aunt, uncle, cousins, cousins’ husbands, a bunch of kids made by cousins and cousins’ husbands - out in Cochrane. My one cousin Genevieve is 7-months pregnant and has a big tummy. Her daughter Nashke is 19 months?old, and when I took off my sweater?and just had a T-shirt on, she pointed at my stomach and said “baby.” Ouch! After?a spanking, and a long time out, I tried to explain to her?that I need to get in shape. OK. There was no spanking or timeout - just some laughter. At my expense. I definitely need to get in shape. Before I moved to Calgary I would walk everywhere and was playing?in a hockey league twice a week. I came to Calgary at the beginning of January and have played hockey once. I try to get out walking on the weekends. I spend 5 hours a day sitting on a small padded seat in an RV. It’s like being in the zoo. I have a well appointed cage, can get up, but can’t really go very far…and occasionally strangers will feed me.

The good news? I’m?going to play some summer hockey twice a week starting soon, I’ve settled into my place and might actually eat in at least once a week, and the novelty of having lots of beers with new radio?friends has worn off. A little. Plus it’s?getting warm (hopefully!) and I’m going to try and walk more. Here’s some pics of me with some of my cousins’?hilariously hurtful children:

(The one who made the “baby” comment is in the front)