LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT CONDOMS (AskMen.com)

• Condoms have appeared in cave paintings: In Johnny Come Lately: A Short History of the Condom, author Jeannette Parisot claims the appearance of condoms in cave paintings are estimated to be 15,000 years old.
• Condoms used to be available only by prescription: In the U.S., there was a time that condoms were available only by prescription, but doctors held up a double standard — they would prescribe them to men so that husbands could protect themselves against getting STDs from prostitutes, but they wouldn’t prescribe them to women so they could prevent themselves from getting pregnant or for any other reason.
• The oldest condoms date back to 1640: Discovered during excavations of Dudley Castle in West Midlands,
  England, these condom fragments were made from the guts of animals and it is believed they were distributed to slow the spread of STDs during the English Civil Wars. If that is the case, they would have been used by Royalists loyal to King Charles I, since the castle didn’t fall to Oliver Cromwell until 1646.
• Condoms have been sold in vending machines since 1928: The condom available in vending machines celebrates its 80th anniversary in 2008, courtesy of the company who manufactured the first brand-name condom, Germany-based, Fromm’s. Their product, Fromm’s Act, not only appeared in vending machines first, they also had a presumably unauthorized Mickey Mouse as their pitch-man.
• Invisible condoms may be next: For all those folks forced to use leather, silk, velvet or rubber as thick as an inner tube, the invisible condom could only be a pipe dream. In this case, “invisible” actually means a gel that hardens according to increased temperatures. Clinical trials on the invisible condom have been carried out by Montreal’s Laval University, in conjunction with the Canadian Institutes of Health Research and the Centre Hospitalier de l’Universite
  Laval.

I get the occasional telemarketing call on my show, and Randall had trouble accepting his sexiness:

Sexy Randall Calls

Like pretty much everyone, I receive telemarketing calls from time to time. I even get them at the radio station. Today, it was someone trying to offer me a credit card. We had a friendly chat. Listen here:

Hello Telemarketer

We all know by now that Greg Beharrell, who does evenings and weekends on X92.9, is a super-odd guy. Today he told us why bicycles are stupid, especially when it’s men riding them. Here’s the audio:

 Greg is a Weird Dude - Bikes

(and this is a pic of my sweetass lady)

My “biggest fan” called again, and talked about how her retreat has changed the way she looks at things. Have a listen:

Stalker May 14th

Today we opened the phones for more of your beefs, that ran the gamut from spitting, to tossing butts out the window, to people not letting you in when you’re driving. Listen here:

 Beefs May 13

…and feel free to add your beefs.

Esquire’s skills every man must master: 

• Tell if someone is lying. Everyone has his theory. Pick one, test it. Choose the tells that work for you. Examples: Liars change the subject quickly. Liars look up and to their right when they speak. Liars use fewer contractions. Liars will sometimes stare straight at you and employ a dead face. Liars never touch their chest or heart except self-consciously. Liars place objects between themselves and you during a conversation.
• Take a photo. Fill the frame.
• Name a book that matters. The Catcher in the Rye does not matter. Not really. You gotta read.
• Cook meat somewhere other than the grill: Buy The Way to Cook, by Julia Child. Try roasting. Braising. Broiling. Slow-cooking. Pan searing. Think ragouts, fricassees, stews. All of this will force you to understand the functionality of different cuts. In the end, grilling will be a choice rather than a chore, and your Weber will become a tool rather than a piece of weekend entertainment.
• Not monopolize the conversation.
• Write a letter: So easy. So easily forgotten. A five-paragraph structure works pretty well: Tell why you’re writing. Offer details. Ask questions. Give news. Add a specific memory or two. If your handwriting is terrible, type. Always close formally.
• Buy a suit: Avoid bargains. Know your likes, your dislikes, and what you need it for (work, funerals, court). Always get fitted.
• Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn’t count.
• Show respect without being a suck-up. Respect the following, in this order: age, experience, record, reputation. Don’t mention any of it.
• Throw a punch. Close enough, but not too close. Swing with your shoulders, not your arm. Long punches rarely land squarely.
• Chop down a tree. Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.
• Calculate square footage. Width times length.
• Speak a foreign language. Pas beaucoup. Mais faites un effort.
• Sew a button.
• Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Brand, amount, style, fast, like so: Booker’s, double, neat.
• Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. Use a contractor’s hammer. Swing hard and loose, like a tennis serve.
• Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
• Play gin with an old guy. Old men will try to crush you. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they’ve learned without taking a lesson. But don’t be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.

We’ve talked on-air about how Greg (X92.9 Evening/Weekend guy) doesn’t own or like jeans. Today, it came to my attention that Greg doesn’t wear shorts, like shorts, or even think men should wear shorts. Here’s the debate:

Greg Hates Shorts

Take the poll over there —–>

By now everyone knows that Greg Beharrell, evening/weekend host on X, is a strange fellow. I’m of the opinion that one must enjoy the little things in life, like a dog, or a nice sunset, or a new clock radio. Greg thinks all the little things are worthless. The only thing important to Greg is girls. I think Greg needs to stop and smell the roses. Hear the debate here:

Greg is a Weird Dude - Smell the Roses

Saturday, Newsboy made the “Mrs.” in “Mrs.” Newsboy official. I Emceed the wedding, and also made an appearance at the ceremony. The ceremony was held in a real live church. We talked about making church more appealing to young people with a animatronic laser Jesus, and how for a few minutes I was an unintentional douchebag. Listen:

Newsboy’s Wedding