Lynch is growing a sad excuse for a ’stache, so I thought I’d repost the moustache rules:
These are simple rules, with very few exceptions. The mullet hair cut is never cool, not even in an ironic way. The only exception is for hockey players, like Ryan Smyth of the Oil, who have had it for years. Like mandatory helmets, he’s grandfathered in this case. As for moustaches, if you’re under 40 years of age, you shouldn’t have one. They are ridiculous. Exceptions: Cops, gay guys, and guys in bands with super-ironic handlebar or fu manchu styles. I don’t know why cops often have moustaches, but you can’t fight tradition. The moustache seems to play a part in gay culture, and that’s cool too. The worst moustaches are those guys with young or babyfaces who grow a moustache cause they think it makes them look more mature. No. It makes you look more ridiculous.
Calgary is a lonely city for a single guy, but sometimes, strtange women will call you out of the blue - I call these women Telemarketers. Recently I received two calls from different ends of the age spectrum. Listen:
I saw Jim Gaffigan last night at Jack Singer Hall. He’s always been a favourite from the stand-up world. I own a bunch of CDs but haven’t seen him live. The show was very funny, although, note to Calgary audiences: if it says 7PM on the ticket, it means you are meant to be sitting comfortably in your seat at that time…not arriving at the theatre. There were large groups of people coming in as late as 7:30PM. If I was running the show, I’d give a five minute grace period, then not admit latecomers. People hafta learn. It’s disrespectful for other audience members and even more so for the performers.
Now THIS is why the Internet was invented, to share stuff like this. Here’s a website that lists all 117 reasons why, on the “Incredible Hulk” TV show, Dr. David Banner got angry and turned into THE HULK. Some of the better ones:Â
Being mauled by a bear
Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator
Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth (”I DON’T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!!!”)
Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at him
Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic - “You don’t understand, I have to be there by 4:00!” - “Hey, mac, it’s rush hour, we ain’t gettin’ there til five, so relax.” - “BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!”
Trying to run away from the nasty prison work camp, only to fall through a rotted bridge, and then being bitten by a rattlesnake
We still get the occasional telemarketer calling the station. Lately it seems like almost daily we get a call from a recorded voice telling us we’ve won a trip to Florida, or somewhere else warm. Another one came in recently:
Calgary is a lonely city for a single guy, but sometimes, strtange women will call you out of the blue - I call these women Telemarketers. Recently I received two calls from different ends of the age spectrum. Listen:
Now THIS is why the Internet was invented, to share stuff like this.
What happens when you can’t say no? This:
Another one of the “Free Vacation” telemarketing calls. This time alcohol was involved:
They call, we chat…about panties…
We still get the occasional telemarketer calling the station. Lately it seems like almost daily we get a call from a recorded voice telling us we’ve won a trip to Florida, or somewhere else warm. Another one came in recently:
Loading ...
Recent Comments