Tim Darling is a math expert, who studied billions of computer simulations of Monopoly games, to figure out, mathematically, how you should play to have the best chance at winning the game. 

#1.)  ALWAYS BUY RAILROADS, NEVER BUY UTILITIES.  The revenue from railroads is much more constant over time. 

#2.)  ONLY BUY PROPERTY TO COMPLETE A MONOPOLY, OR KEEP AN OPPONENT FROM COMPLETING ONE.  Owing one or two properties in a group is useless, unless it stops Monopolies . . . because you need to build houses to win. 

#3.)  ALWAYS GET A “CHEAPER” MONOPOLY.  Get one of the four monopolies on the first two sides of the board:  The purples, light blues, light purples or oranges.  And get it quickly . . . trade if you have to. 

#4.)  ONLY BUILD THREE HOUSES.  As soon as you get a Monopoly, put THREE houses on each property.  Exactly three.  Based on the math, three houses is the sweet spot . . . they’ll pay off the most over time, without being too expensive up front like hotels. 

#5.)  ONCE YOUR FIRST MONOPOLY STARTS MAKING MONEY, GET A MORE EXPENSIVE MONOPOLY.  And put three houses on each of its properties. 

#6.)  STAY IN JAIL.  Once your opponents have monopolies, moving around the board will, most likely, cost you money.  So, stay in jail as long as you can.  But, until they have monopolies, get out of jail quickly so you can get back to buying property.  (Amnesta.net)

Haven’t had a chance to upload these until now, so you get a triple dose of my “biggest fan.”

The first call is before I head off to Vegas for the weekend and Vegoose:

October 25th Biggest Fan

The second call comes in after she returns from Vegas, when I’ve already returned a week earlier. Apparently her Vegas trip was lonely and kinda boring:

November 5th Biggest Fan

The truth about her Vegas trip comes out, and it’s umm…strange:

November 8th Biggest Fan

A British TV station called UKTV Gold just released the results of a survey where they asked people to vote on which laws in the

U.K. are the STUPIDEST.  And here’s the top 10, in order . . . 

#1.)  It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.

 #2.)  It’s an act of treason to put a postage stamp upside-down if it has a British monarch’s picture on it.

#3.)  In Liverpool, it’s illegal for a woman to be topless . . . unless she’s the clerk at a tropical fish store.

#4.)  It’s illegal to eat meat pies on Christmas Day. #5.)  In Scotland, if someone knocks on the door and needs to use your toilet, you have to let them in.

#6.)  A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a police officer’s helmet.

#7.)  If a whale dies on the British coast, its head instantly becomes the property of the king, and its tail instantly becomes the property of the queen.

#8.)  It’s illegal to withhold information from a tax collector . . . but only if it’s info that you don’t want him to know.  If you have information you don’t mind him knowing . . . you don’t have to tell him about it.

#9.)  It’s illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a full suit of armor. #10.)  In York, it’s legal to murder someone from Scotland . . . but only if they’re carrying a bow and arrow.

–The people in the survey also got to vote on the most ridiculous laws outside of the

U.K.  The winner:  In Ohio, it’s illegal to get a fish drunk.

 –Second place went to Indonesia, where the penalty for making angry, passionate love to yourself is DECAPITATION.

(Reuters U.K.)

HOW TO SPOT A LIAR AT WORK 

Here are some ways you can tell if one of your co-workers is LYING TO YOU at work . . .   

#1.)   NOSE TOUCHING.  There are certain tissues in the nose that actually fill up with blood when people lie . . . causing an itchy feeling.  Look to see if they touch their nose, but just make sure it isn’t because they have a cold or something. 

#2.)  TROUBLE SPEAKING.  When people trick themselves into pretending that a lie is actually true . . . their brain gets confused.  So when they lie, they take longer pauses and speak more slowly than normal.  They also use phrases like “um”, “er” and “ah”. 

#3.)  BODY LANGUAGE VS. WORDS.  People who lie sometimes give it away with their body language . . . like shaking their head “no” when they’re actually SAYING “yes”. 

#4.)  NECK RUBBING.  We rub our necks when we have stress over an obstacle that we think is too great to overcome.  If someone is lying their way out of a problem that they perceive to be of this magnitude, they might rub their neck as they tell their lie. 

#5.)  EYE RUBBING.  Eye rubs are ALSO an indicator of disbelief.  So if you’re talking to someone and they rub their eyes when they respond . . . it could mean they either disagree with you or don’t believe you. 

#6.)  UPWARD INFLECTIONS.  If someone is stating a fact to you with an upward inflection . . . that should be a red flag that they’re lying to you.

HOW TO EARN RESPECT (Men’s Health)

• Pick up the tab. What? Buy respect? Of course not — you earn it by showing it as you scoop up the bill. To your potential father-in-law: “Your daughter and I would like to treat you.” On business: “Jim, it’s the least I can do.”
• Try the sushi.
• Never blunt the bad news.
• Stay sober when no one would blame you for drinking.
• Nail the toast.
• Cook for 12.
• Become what you told people you always wanted to be.
• When some lemon- sucker asks, “Ugh, you actually like that book?” just reply — with unwavering eye contact — “Yes.”
• Say no when no’s the answer. “We’ll see,” “I’ll have to get back to you on that,” and “I’m not 100 percent sure” are smoke screens for the man who’s afraid to disappoint.
• Become multilingual. Could be Spanish. Could be the secret language of the internal combustion engine. Either way, it’s a life truth: A man with two tongues is a man in demand.
• Risk being hated for doing the right thing.
• Show patience with those who can’t do what you can.

APPROPRIATE CELL PHONE MANNERS (MSN.com)

• Be nice to the person behind the counter: Don’t talk on the phone while you’re ordering or paying for something. Doesn’t the person behind the lunch counter deserve just an ounce of respect? Hang up, or at least put your caller on hold.
• Take it outside: Take your phone outside, or at least away from the table, when you get a call in a restaurant. No one around you, much less your tablemates, cares to hear what you have to say. That is, unless you’re guiding someone to your table in a cavernous eatery. And if it’s really important, you could always text. But even that has a limit, as well.
• You’re welcome: Have you ever held the door for someone who’s been on the phone without them acknowledging your presence? Remember folks: Even though you’re on the phone you still exist in this world to other people.
• Drive to distraction: When you’re driving with a phone use a headset. And whatever you do, don’t text while driving. Yikes.
• Yes, they’re talking to you: No one pays $10 to hear your cell phone ring during a movie so turn it off. But if you absolutely have to keep your phone on, please turn it on vibrate. And please don’t start talking until after you’ve left the theater. It’s just being polite. The same goes for weddings, funerals, and other milestone events. Remember that when they ask you to turn off your phone, they’re talking to you.
• Work out your body, not your mouth: The gym is no place for a cell phone. Don’t talk when you’re doing cardio and don’t take up space on equipment so you can sit and catch up the latest dish. If you’re bored while you spin, read a magazine.
• Not in the bathroom: Don’t use your phone in a public restroom. That’s just gross.
• Remember the people around you: If you’re out with a group of friends, it’s fine to answer the phone for a few minutes. Just don’t make that conversation more important than the one you’re already having.
• Bluetooth geeks: Wearing a Bluetooth headset when you’re not talking on the phone just makes you look like a geek.

Vanity Fair is doing a big issue on their Top 50 soundtracks of all time. The issue will be out next month, with a TV sepcial to follow in December. So far they’ve just released their Top 10, which I think is sorta stinky:

#1.)  (The soundtrack from) “Purple Rain”  (–By PRINCE.) 

#2.)  (The soundtrack from) “A Hard Day’s Night”  (–By THE BEATLES.) 

#3.)  (The soundtrack from) “The Harder They Come”. . . (–reggae music.) 

#4.)  (The soundtrack from) “Pulp Fiction”. . . (–’70s soul music.) 

#5.)  (The soundtrack from) “The Graduate”  (–By SIMON AND GARFUNKEL.) 

#6.)  (The soundtrack from) “Superfly”  (–By CURTIS MAYFIELD.) 

#7.)  (The soundtrack from) “Trainspotting”. . . (–British rock music.) 

#8.)  (The soundtrack from) “Saturday Night Fever”  (–Includes THE BEE GEES.) 

#9.)  (The soundtrack from) “American Graffiti”. . . (–Rock and oldies.)  #10.)  (The soundtrack from) “The Big Chill”. . . (–R&B and soul.)

Lynch has proclaimed Singles the best soundtrack in movie history. I disagree. Right off the top of my head, I’d say Garden State is a stronger soundtrack. Singles might be the best of the 90s, but that’s it. What do you think? Best soundtrack - not including movie musicals or concert films? Sound off!

Sometimes Eddie isn’t the best enunciator. The song on which this is most confusing is Yellow Ledbetter. Thankfully someone’s cracked the code, and shared it with us via YouTube goodness.

OK…you can accuse Newsboy and I of being fruitcakes, but I don’t see anything wrong with combining a desire to watch hot young models cavort and cat-fight and high stakes gambling. Hence, newsboy and I have a America’s Next Top Model pool. A few weeks back, we made our own personal Top 12 lists, flipped a coin for first pick, then had our draft. I won the toss, and here are our picks in order:

#1 Victoria (Josh)

#2 Bianca (Newsboy)

#3 Heather (Josh)

#4 Jenah (Newsboy)

#5 Kimberly (Josh)

#6 Ebony (Newsboy)

#7 Sarah (Josh)

#8 Saleisha (Newsboy)

#9 Janet (Josh)

#10 Chantal (Newsboy)

#11 Ambreal (Josh)

#12 Lisa (Newsboy)

Each week the winner buys the other coffee, although it’s winner takes all!

(#1 and #2 pictured)

OK, technically this should be on Lynch’s blog and not mine, as Lynch is obsessed with Transformers. He wants to be a Transformer, or failing that, make love to a Transformer, or failing that, make love to his lotiony hand while wearing Transformer PJs. But Lynch is a lazy, lazy blogger, so this one’s for him. Maybe he’s not lazy enough to link to this post from his blog. We’ll see.

I must thank listener Leanne Harrison for sending this my way. We had some fun with it today. There’s a website where you can get Optimus Prime to call or e-mail a friend or enemy of yours. Unfortunately at the end of the message Optimus Prime starts shilling DVDs. Also, if you have an unusual name, you might be out of luck. There’s no Lynch and the closest to Josh I could get was Joshua.

Optimus Prime Calls Lynch (audio)

Get OP to call someone