No sunglasses indoors. Take them off. Only exception here is if you’re in a sunroom, or a house made entirely of glass.
No sunglasses at night. Corey Hart is a douche, and you are too if you wear your sunglasses after sunset.
No sunglasses at bars, clubs or concerts. This is combining the “indoors” and “at night” rules for double-douchiness. You might think people will look at you and think, “how mysterious” or “that guy is cool.” Truthfully, people will be looking at you thinking “how douchey” or “that guy is re-goddamned-diculous!”
Men should not wear oversize sunglasses. (Women shouldn’t either, but that’s a bigger fight)
Men should not wear sunglasses with highly visible designer names or symbols. (ie. D&G, Chanel) It’s just lame and douchey.
Men should also avoid the lightly tinted J-Lo style glasses. Do I need to explain?
These are just a few tips to help you avoid being douchey. If you see a friend who needs to be told - tell them. It’s also perfectly acceptable to walk by someone wearing sunglasses indoors and saying loudly and sarcastically while shielding your eyes: “owww, my eyes! It’s so bright in here, I wish I had my sunglasses!”
Greg Beharrell is a weird dude. He hosts Thursday and Friday evenings, and weekend afternoons on X92.9. We’ve made a bit of an ongoing segment about some of his “quirks.” Today Greg told us that the only reason a guy should go to a movie is with a girl, otherwise it’s a waste of time. Listen:
Greg Beharrell does evenings and weekends on X92.9. Greg is a weird dude. He drinks anywhere from 4-6 litres of diet soda a day. Most of the rest of his diet is boiled chicken breasts and cereal. No milk. We have birthday cake for employees birthdays, greg never has any. Greg hates cake! Listen:
I used to be embarassed by the things my parents did and said in public. My mom called me Joshy until I was in my 20s. Lately though, I’ve learned that it’s too late to change them, and it’s better (and more fun) to appreciate their quirks. I recently spent some time in Florida hanging with my folks…here’s audio of the story:
Oh Hello! Calgary’s New Rock Alternative X92.9 FM is growing and growing, with more and more people making the switch to radio that doesn’t suck.  We celebrated our first anniversary on January 1. You may have been there since the beginning, or perhaps are just now discovering us. If we haven’t been properly introduced yet, I host the afternoon show. It runs weekdays from 2-7PM, which includes the 6 O’Clock Rock Report, an hour of music news, interviews and some damn good music. I love that my show has become a two-way connection and always enjoy interacting with you. You can get in touch a whole bunch of ways:
A black eye: Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your eyes should remain unblemished.
A witty e-mail signature: Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively.
An empty refrigerator: Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her.
PlayStation thumb: When they’re relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to button-shaped bruises, you’re missing out on life.
A key chain with a bottle opener: This is both a reminder of your college days and proof that you don’t know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers.
A lucky shirt: Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works, the luckier he’ll be.
An unstamped passport.
Olympic dreams: Exceptions: curling and archery.
Less than $20 in his wallet: A real man should always carry around a business card and enough money to pick up coffee, bagels and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.
Any beer that cost less than $20 a case: An no exception for the grand slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.
The need to quote The Big Lebowski/Caddyshack/Superbad: Reciting someone else’s lines reminds people that you haven’t the wit to write your own.
A futon: Such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, “Take me to your futon.”
Code words for ugly women: Actually, code words for anything.
A Nerf hoop in his living room: Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else’s office.
A secret handshake.
Drinking glasses with logos: Especially those kitschy McDonalds Hamburglar ones.
A recent story with the phrase “So I said to the cop…”
I don’t spend a ton of time on my show talking about doing a sit-down, but for some reason it came up twice on this past week’s shows. Once was about trying the all-new $275,000 public toilet at 17th Ave and 7th:
Lynch loves to talk about me and my show on his show, although has trouble distinguishing between busting balls and personal attacks. Here’s a good example:
There was a recent benefit put on by brilliant author Dave Eggers for his 826LA charity. One of the performances featured a duet with Will Ferrell and Dave Grohl. This is it:
Oh Hello! 
A black eye: Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your eyes should remain unblemished.
I don’t spend a ton of time on my show talking about doing a sit-down, but for some reason it came up twice on this past week’s shows. Once was about trying the all-new $275,000 public toilet at 17th Ave and 7th:
There’s a company that will soon offer ringtones featuring moans of famous porn performers. Here’s how the discussion on my show progressed:
Lynch
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